If you have something to say about my weight, DON’T! Seriously, just don’t.
Something came up this week that I want to talk about.
It was nothing major, really. It was a common enough occurance. But good Lord did it piss me off.
A woman I don’t know very well said to me, “How’s your diet going? I can see that you have lost weight since last time I saw you.”
Number one, I have not lost weight since the last time this woman saw me. At all. I may even have gained weight. So it occurred to me as a lie. And I am not even a little interested in polite lies. I am positive she meant it to be nice. That she thought it was the neighborly thing to do. But that kind of thing is disingenuous to me. And not welcome.
Number two, I am not on a diet. Diets have a goal and an end. You lose 15 or 20 or 50 or whatever number of pounds and then you eat crap again. Diets get cheated on. Because diets deprive you of anything enjoyable so sometimes you have to “live a little.” Diets are about losing weight.
What I do is a way of life. I don’t want to cheat. I don’t have a goal so I can stop. I don’t want to stop. I have boundaries around my eating because it makes me happy and free. If I lose weight great. If I don’t, it doesn’t change anything. I eat delicious meals that I love that don’t include sugar or simple carbohydrates. Because I am addicted to those things. I am not on a diet. I have a diet.
And number three, and this is the important one, it is rude and obnoxious to talk about someone’s weight. Stop that!
I would say that the average human has between 1 and 5 people in their lives who are allowed to speak openly about their weight. Because they are loving, nonjudgmental, and a clearing for the person. If you want to know if you are one of those people, you need to ask. Seriously. Just because you are a parent, or a friend, or a sibling, do not assume you are welcome to comment or ask about a person’s weight. If you are too embarrassed to ask, then you should keep your mouth shut.
And if you ask, and the person says no, then keep it to yourself. Not, “Well I just want to say…”
I don’t care if you think it’s a compliment. I don’t care if you think it’s important. I don’t care if you think it’s polite. Whatever it is, no means no.
I hate this idea that people think somebody’s weight is open for discussion. I understand that it is on the outside for everyone to see. But it is still deeply personal.
My body is the only vessel I have. It contains the entirety of my life. Without it, I am very literally dead. It is a deeply spiritual thing. Whether you see it that way or not. So mind your own business.
OK. I am done ranting. Thank you.
This is a great blog, filled with many absolute truths. You are indeed invoking on a lifestyle, not a “diet.”
Regarding this woman’s comment; “Intent” here means a lot. If she was stating something in order to draw attention to herself, that’s one thing, but if it was an attempt to encourage you and simply stated it ineptly, that’s another.
I always try to view people through God’s eyes. I’ve had many patients who gave up, got discouraged because no one noticed anymore. I’d chalk that statement up to someone who doesn’t know the real you yet and this could have been an opportunity for her to get to know you better.
Obviously there was a root cause from your past to make you react to her words in that way. Perhaps when you discover that, you’ll understand why it struck a nerve because your post is extremely intelligent and you are definitely on the right track. Continue on with your healthy lifestyle! Blessings,
With respect, I think you have perhaps missed the point of my post. My point is that the intent is irrelevant. I am pointing out that to make remarks about another person’s body is intrusive and wrong. No matter how you mean it. I’m Saying that what you call encouragement is really just sticking your nose and your two cents where it doesn’t belong.