onceafatgirl

Peace is better than chocolate

I am not an only-once-a-year-resolver.

It’s that time of year. New Year’s Resolution time. I am not a Resolver. I love the New Year. I too feel the warm glow of possibility in ending the old and welcoming the new. I like the chance to look back, and forward. But I don’t like to pin all of my hopes on a feeling. 

That is what a New Year’s Resolution is, I think, for most people. They feel excited about what may come in this next 365 days. It’s a blank slate filled with potentialities. And knowing that all of that potential is out there fills us with feelings. Feelings of hope, and desire, and courage, and drive. We feel motivated! 
I don’t know if you know this, but feelings like that don’t last. For anyone, really. At least nobody I know. Even the most powerful, potent, accomplished people I know do not *feel* motivated all of the time. Or even most of the time. 
Most people, even the ones who have what you want, find getting the good stuff to be filled with something akin to drudgery. The ones who get themselves extraordinary lives are the ones who brave discomfort regularly. 
The secret to me having what I want, as I have noted before, is to have commitments, and to keep them no matter how I feel. 
I would rather sleep in than jog. I would rather drink coffee than water. I would rather knit and read and watch Netflix than prep meals. I would rather stay home than go out with friends. I would rather pretend everything is fine than have difficult conversations. But all of things that I would rather, all the things that make me *feel* comfortable, leave me with a life that doesn’t  *feel* valuable. I want relationships with myself and others that are worthwhile, and whole, and intimate. I want love, and friendship. I want to like and trust myself. I like and trust myself when I keep my commitments. 
I am not done growing and changing. I am all for wanting more, and being willing to do more for it. But it doesn’t have to be for the new year. I can change any time. 
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