The difference between bliss and calamity
I am on my way back home after a really fantastic, week-long vacation. We rented a boat and cruised around on the ocean for two days. We saw sea turtles and manta rays and jellyfish. I went in the ocean for the first time. I got lots of sun. (I’m a little crispy actually.)
We ate really well this whole trip. One night we borrowed a grill from the resort and had filet mingon stuffed with crab. But my vacation was not about eating. It was not about restaurants. It was not about “cheat days” or “free-for-alls”. A vacation is not an excuse for me to eat whatever I want.
I gave up excuses when I put boundaries around my food. I took on a belief system that says no excuse is acceptable. I do what I do no matter what.
And that allows me a certain kind of peace. I wore my bikini when I was by the pool or on the boat. I’m not skinny. But I am comfortable enough in my skin to wear my bikini in public.
But If I broke my food boundaries, even if I weighed exactly the same, and looked exactly the same, I would never have been able to wear my bikini. Having boundaries around my food allows me to be happy with myself. It allows me to be less judgmental of myself. It allows me a certain freedom from my own obsessive thinking. About my body and about food.
While I was prepping meals for the flight home today, I was mixing sesame seeds into my butter. But the butter wouldn’t soften in the air conditioning. So I took it outside to our patio and sat in a deck chair and watched the ocean while I was mixing it. My boyfriend came out and looked startled. He asked “Are you eating?”
I said “No, I’m just making tomorrow’s dinner.”
He said, “Thank God! All I could think was ‘Oh no!'”
I told him, “Yep. If you ever see me eating and it’s not time to eat, think ‘Oh no!'”
My food boundaries are the difference between blissful serenity and disastrous calamity.
This trip was bliss. I can’t wait to do it again.
onceafatgirl 
Your tan is amazing! You look like a beach native with that glow.