Living the life I am in
My dad and stepmom are coming over for lunch today and I have to clean. If you had thoughts about how maybe it’s late for that. Well I did too.
I have a whole arsenal of ideas that could send me into various spirals. I have a history of fleeing. Of freezing. Of shutting down. And they live in a murky soup of fear of failure, fear of success, procrastination, perfectionism, self-aggrandizement, and self loathing.
Basically, I am an addict.
Getting my sugar addiction under control taught me how to do “enough” without having to go go go at an 11 all the time. I learned that the reason so much in my life did not get done, was because I lived like I had to go big or go home. So I just went home, put on some pajamas and ate.
Now there is no cake, even at home. So I am going to clean my house. Not like a crazy person. But like a person who knows how to live the life she is in, not the life she thought she was supposed to lead.
onceafatgirl 