To get some reciprocity
One of the things that I have learned (am learning?) from my husband in our 11+ years together is how to let a negative emotion go. How to move on from the feeling and choose a different feeling. That even if the situation is unchanged, I can just let the emotion go.
Sometimes that takes more work than others. Sometimes a situation is so loaded with old feelings that it takes longer and it takes more. But because of *his* ability to move on, I have cultivated an ability to move on.
Earlier this week, a friend reached out to me. Actually, *that* friend that I wrote about a few weeks ago. The one who ghosted me and I was super sad.
And she apologized for how she handled our situation. She acknowledged her part in it. She let me acknowledge my part in hurting her and apologize. We are moving forward together to repair our friendship. We have a date later this month! I’m happy. I’m relieved.
Having my eating under control is the PhD of relationships, and this is the work. Difficult conversations. Vulnerability. Trying again. Working things out.
But in my life I have lost many relationships because of situations and boundaries. And many times people have tried to come back into my life without doing the relationship work. Without acknowledging their part in our breakup. Without making a commitment to move forward differently. Often without even the words of apology. And I’m not available for more of the same bad relationship.
But coming to me authentically, even with grievances and frustrations, is what I need in my relationships. And this is what I am offering in return. So it was a special blessing to not only have her reach out but to do it with integrity.
But back to my husband teaching me to let go of my difficult feelings. There was a time in my life when I would have held a grudge over what happened with my friend. It would not have mattered that she came to me in a way that honored our friendship. I would not have been open. I would have immediately shut down from being hurt, and I would not be able to let it go.
When I am eating compulsively, my emotions are uncontrollable and end up making decisions. When my eating is under control I can use my emotions as the tools that they are.
onceafatgirl 