onceafatgirl

Sugar could never love me back.

I’m in Connecticut, it’s a travel day, and I am joyful and content and have had a spectacular trip.

Last year I realized I missed my historic girlfriends. The girls who are my people, even though they are all in different parts of the country and we all lead vastly different lives. So I made a point to start reaching out to them. Scheduling calls. Being the one to initiate the conversations. And generally taking responsibility for me having the friendships I want. 

So when one of those women on that list invited me to Connecticut for her 50th birthday, not only did I say yes, but I made a “quick” two day detour to NYC to see two other of those women. 

And it has been glorious!!!

The thing for me about only eating 3 times a day is all of the life in between. At this birthday party, there was so much food. But all I was going to eat was my sugar-free and portion controlled meals. And only at dinner time. And then there was nothing but time. Time to dance. Time to meet new people. Time to connect with old friends.

My NYC trip was also a whirlwind of connections with not just my old friends but their kids who are growing up fast, and grownups who were practically kids the last time I saw them. I got to love and be loved. I got to see how much the people I love love me back.

And the connections I can make when I am entirely focused on the person in front of me, and not the dessert table, are more filling and fulfilling than cupcakes. Even really good cupcakes.

Food used to be my best friend. Now my best friends are my best friends. I feel loved and wanted and cherished by the people whom I love and want and cherish. But I could not have that until I put down sugar. I couldn’t love anyone more than sugar when I was an addict. Even though I knew sugar never could love me back.