onceafatgirl

Peace is better than chocolate

Archive for the month “November, 2025”

30 Nov 2025

Non-traditional day of gratitude

We did not end up going anywhere for Thanksgiving! I was all ready to go on Wednesday when my husband came home from work sick. 

He was going to drive me home in his company truck and then lay in bed except for diving me to and from my mom’s so I could have Thanksgiving with her. Because we haven’t seen her in a while. 

And honestly that is just dumb. I can drive myself. I have my own car. So I considered just driving myself to my mom’s and back on Thursday. But then I would be leaving my husband sick at home. (I don’t think he would care that it was Thanksgiving.) 

Plus, my mom and my stepdad have a trip planned for Antarctica in a couple of weeks. (That’s not a typo.) So my husband was also wary about one of us getting one of them sick.

Anyway I don’t care about traditional turkey dinner. (I was always in it for the lasagna at my Italian grandma’s house.) I don’t particularly like the meat. I don’t eat carbs so no stuffing or potatoes or candied anything. (No lasagna even if Gram were alive, sadly…) plus I don’t eat food in my food like in casseroles. I would be going to see my family. 

But then on Friday my husband was feeling a little better and we made a carb-free meatloaf (crushed pork rinds instead of breadcrumbs, and sugar-free ketchup) and I made sautéed green beans and he made himself mashed potatoes, and we made it together. 

And that really felt like Thanksgiving to me.

I’m sorry we didn’t get to see people this weekend. But we will see family for Christmas. (Not my mom and her husband. They will be in Antarctica. That is still not a typo.) Or in January for makeup holiday. 

And I got to be just as grateful in my own nontraditional way.

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23 Nov 2025

Wait, it’s the Holidays again?

I started my holiday season early this year. And didn’t even realize it.

I just got back to my husband and kitten after my second fun friend weekend in a row. (Yay me!) And next weekend is Thanksgiving, and we are actually going this year since we are less than a two hour drive from home. (We don’t usually do Thanksgiving because I don’t eat professionally anymore and neither of us care about turkey or the traditional foods.)

I’m not a consistently social person. I am the life of the party, certainly. But getting me to the party isn’t as easy as it used to be…But right now I want to be showing up for the people in my life. For my communities. Being a part of them. Being of service. Being available. Really, just being present. 

And through all of it I am probably going to bring my own food to most places. Or eat before or after. And not feel bad about it. Not bad about it for not eating the hosts’ food. Not bad about it that I don’t get to eat party food. Not bad about it that I am eating differently than everyone else in front of other people. Or not eating at all.

This will be my 19th holiday season of having my eating under control. And after all this time, it has never been easier. But even 19 years ago, when it was not easy, it was so much better than being obsessed and ashamed. 

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16 Nov 2025

The agony of a silly mistake with minimal consequences

I made a mistake this week. A really simple silly mistake with minimal consequences. And I got really upset.

Obviously.

I thought that a ladies night painting party I was attending was on Friday night. So I packed up the food I needed for one day and drove 2 hours to my other house on Friday and realized the party was Saturday. 

I texted my husband to let him know. And then I cried. Because I felt stupid. Because I was humiliated. Because I told my husband I would be back to take care of the cat on Saturday morning and now I would not be there until Sunday morning. (Yes, of course he is a fully capable man who was happy to take care of our cat.) Because I missed my cat. Oh and my husband.

And then I remembered that I trust that Life is giving me exactly the right things and that includes my own mistakes. And that I don’t even need to know how or why. I can just accept it and be exactly where I am without feeling like I should be anywhere else. 

Instead of being unhappy I caught up with the family at the house. And I ran some errands including getting enough food for the next day too. 

So when I went to the party I was not feeling stupid. Or like a bad cat mom. Or humiliated. I was fully present. I met the coolest new women. I made an abstract painting of my cat. I had a blast and I am back home with my husband and my cat.

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09 Nov 2025

Creative problem solving at its finest

Last week I wrote about how I know I am a food addict because I freaked out when I realized I only fed my entirely fine kitten 3 meals instead of 4 one day last week. How my brain is not rational around food. Well I got another reminder this week from a different quarter. 

In the morning I often pack my husband’s lunch box for work. And he likes a snack of an apple dipped in yogurt and crushed peanuts. It’s a quarter cup of peanuts. I measure it out. Not like I would for me. (I actually don’t eat most legumes, including peanuts. They trigger sugar cravings for a lot of sugar addicts.) It’s heaping instead of flat. If a few don’t fit and fall out of the cup I give them to him anyway. 

But I can tell how hungry I am by how big or small that bag of peanuts looks to me. 

A lot of times people are incredulous that after 19 years and 10 months I can’t just eyeball my food by now. Like how do I not know what 4 ounces looks like after almost two entire decades? How could I still need to weigh it? Every time?

But I know that I am still very much not normal around food because I cannot even eyeball someone else’s peanuts that have zero effect on my life. Some days in the same week that bag looks so abundant I think “wow! That is a lot of peanuts!” And alternatively “Ugh. What a pittance!” Sometimes on consecutive days! 

One thing I learned to do by accepting my sugar addiction was meet myself where I am at. I cannot eat sugar like a normal eater. And I love to eat and cannot get myself to stop. So I gave up sugar, and made sure that all of my food is always delicious. Creative problem solving at its finest.

And it still works 19 years and 10 months in.

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02 Nov 2025

My cat is not a food addict

This week I got a look at how not in touch with reality I am to food. From my cat.

So my kitten gets fed 4 times a day. A mix of dry and wet food, and she doesn’t finish the food most meals most days. 

Well the other day I realized I only fed her TWICE that day as I was putting down her last meal for the night for a grand total of 3 meals. 

I was terrified! I was so upset with myself. Should I leave out more food? Will it go bad? What if she wakes up hungry in the night?!?! What if she’s been waiting for this food, and is starving!

She had not been crying and begging for food. She did not fall upon it ravenously. She did not even seem to notice that she “missed” a meal. She ate it much as she does every other meal. With the same intensity.

But *I* was worried. Literally actually worried that I had left her hungry enough to make her unwell. Because she can’t talk. And all I have is routine. Because I don’t think about food normally. 

Obviously it didn’t take me too long to get rational and recognize that she is not only fully nourished but also healthy and well cared for in every way. That one meal one time for a cat that eats FOUR TIMES A DAY is fine. That if she didn’t complain she probably didn’t care. There are not a lot of martyr kittens. 

Having my eating under control is how I, personally, know what to eat. Because I don’t ever feel done. I don’t ever FEEL like I have had enough. I weight out food on a scale. I eat the same amount every day. That is how I know I have had enough. My body is not good at that on its own.

So when I feed my cat 4 measured out meals, that makes sense to me. Because I do the same for me, only mine is only 3 meals and they are way more food. And way more delicious…(you can’t give cats spices…)

And when I fail to give my cat one of those meals, I get as upset as I would if I forgot one of MY meals. 

The good news is, I was more upset about it than my cat who is apparently not a food addict. 

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