Life is hard. Eating is a delight.
I have started and scrapped so many posts today. I am going through one of my “cascade” moments of learning. Where many things over many areas of my life, physically, emotionally, spiritually, seem to fall quickly into place and change my entire perspective on things. So there is so much to say. Too much with not enough information. From the universe to me, I mean.
So I guess what I want to say is that while terrifying, these growth spurts are always a blessing, no matter how painful. And they are only possible because I have my eating under control.
I am a sugar addict. I am an alcoholic with sugar. And I mean that literally.
There is a saying among the people who do what I do with food. “My body is a still.” If human ingenuity can make it into alcohol, my body can probably do it faster.
I spent a lot of time drunk on sugar growing up. And I acted like it. I passed out like an alcoholic. I lied, cheated, and stole like an alcoholic. I was unreliable. I was irritable. I hated myself like an alcoholic. But I was a drunk on French fries and candy bars.
So here I am, in the midst of a spiritual awakening – one of many so far – that is uncomfortable but also exciting, and it’s all because 18 years ago I chose to give up what I thought was the only joy in my life.
But instead I got a life beyond my wildest dreams. And then I got to understand that there was even something better than that. And I got that too. And I got to understand that I will keep getting to keep going.
I will admit that sometimes I get to a place in my life, and I wonder if this is where I will get stuck. Because I can’t imagine what could be on the other side. But there has always been another side. And it has always been better than the last.
What I really am is so grateful for the routine of my food boundaries. And for the belief that the best way to fight my sugar addiction is to eat abundantly of foods that I love that don’t get me drunk. So I can love my food. Find refuge and solace and joy in it.
Life is hard. Eating is a delight.
onceafatgirl 