onceafatgirl

Peace is better than chocolate

Archive for the tag “winter”

Winter is coming. But first, apples and hot coffee.

I love summer. Seriously. I love heat. You will never hear me complain about humidity. If I am home alone, I regularly turn off the air conditioner in the summer.

I also hate being cold. I don’t experience cold as discomfort. It is all-out pain to me. And I can get cold in temperatures in the 70s. 75 is my comfort cut off. If it’s cooler than 75 and the sun is not directly on me, I need a sweater.

I will note that this is a side effect of losing so much weight. Or maybe it has more to do with not eating sugar. When I was fat, I was hot all the time. Even in the middle of Chicago winters. I sometimes wonder if cold registers as so painful to me because it was foreign to me for so much of my life. But it has progressed. Every year I don’t eat sugar, grains or starch, the colder I get, and the higher my comfort temperature gets. 5 or so years ago, I was perfectly comfortable when it was in the high 60s.

So there is this part of me that is a little anxious about the end of summer. The leaves here are changing and it got cold last night. I am afraid of winter. And this is Chicago, so we are talking about at least 5 (and up to 8) months of pain.

But then…apples. Giant Honeycrisp apples. And Kabocha squash. And then a friend gave me a recipe for cheesecake. Real, honest-to-goodness cheesecake. Like the kind my Gram used to make for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I just have to substitute artificial sweetener for sugar.

Nature was no fool when it comes to autumn. The air smells so good. And the feeling of warm, soft clothes in the cool air is so comfortable. Hot coffee. Spices like cinnamon, ginger and nutmeg. (You might recognize them as “Pumpkin Spice.”) Not to mention things to do with friends and family. Apple picking, and pumpkin patches. Hay rides and bonfires.

What I need to remember at times like this, when I am afraid of the coming cold, is that this too, shall pass. Like all seasons. And all moments. Every winter will eventually give way to a new spring. And another summer.

Everything comes down to a day at a time. Everything is about being present in the moment. Because even in the midst of the bad, there is always plenty of good.

I first learned that with food. When I was first getting sober from sugar, I was also living in pain. My withdrawal symptoms, and the fog I lived in, lasted for a year and a half. I got through that a day at a time. Reading books and manga, taking walks, making friends.

Life will go on. Even in the freezing cold. And there will be happiness in the freezing cold. There will be fun and love and joy. And lots of crocheting. Scalding hot showers I don’t want to get out of. Ginger tea, and cranberry apple tea, and chai tea.

And, most importantly, there will be foods that I love! Apples and squash, sugar-free cheesecakes and pumpkin pies. (Because just because my eating is under control, it doesn’t mean I am neutral around food.)

Jeez, snow, it’s like you don’t even care…

I hate winter. And I particularly hate snow. This week we got 22 1/2 inches of snow. That’s just shy of two feet, in case you’re not up on your measurement equivalents.

The worst part of it for me, besides the general blech-ness of snow, is that it is not convenient to walk to the grocery store when there is so much. Half the sidewalks aren’t clear. And sometimes, even if the sidewalk is clear, the street plows have piled the snow right up on the side of the road blocking up the outlet. In other words you can walk on the sidewalk, but you can’t cross the street. OK, you can. But you have to climb the mountain of snow, and then when you have the green light, you have to jump into the street, run across, and quickly climb the snow mound on the other side, and jump down to the sidewalk. If it’s clear.

Thankfully, I keep my house stocked up with non-perishable food.

I was actually thinking the other day, I’m running out of food! But that was not true. If something had happened and I couldn’t get to the grocery store, I would still have had enough food for several days. If I go out and buy a few more cans of fruit, I would have enough food in my house for about a month. Right now.

It would not be my favorite foods, but I could eat within my boundaries. And that, after all, is what counts for me.

There is something deeply satisfying about knowing that I take that good care of myself. It gives a sense of safety to the general uncertainty of life.

And also, my boyfriend graciously, and generously drives me to the store whenever I ask. I am not deprived of having the best foods in all weather!

Still, I’d rather it be spring now, so I can walk to the grocery store whenever I darn well please. At least without having to worry about slipping on ice, or falling from a mound of packed snow 3 feet above the street.

Any time you’re ready, spring!

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