onceafatgirl

I can go back to crocheting now

I’m over here crocheting and I forgot I have a blog to write.

I was thinking recently that I haven’t made a lot of really time consuming dishes in a while. I used to spend a lot of time making sugar free versions of things I wanted. A picture of a soy flour Dutch baby (pancake) just came up in my social media memories. From EIGHT years ago. I can’t remember making one since. But it would be amazing with baked apples and cinnamon. And I have plenty of apples slowing going bad in my crisper because I have found *bigger* apples to eat fresh. So I could cook them up and either top the Dutch baby with them or put them in the 10% milk fat Greek yogurt I have, and make myself truly decadent French apple yogurt.

But honestly, I would rather crochet or weave or knit or embroider. And I would rather learn a knew aspect or skill of one of my fiber crafts. And fresh apples are delicious just as they are…

Frankly, that is a miracle. That food is not the most important thing for me to make. That I think there is the possibility of as much, if not more, joy and contentment in something that is not food.

Please don’t get me wrong! I am still obsessed with eating. Especially at my actual meal times! And I called the liquor store in my Chicago suburb to tell them I will be in town for a few days for Christmas and would they order me 3 cases of my pork rinds?!? (I’m going to mail them to my SLC apartment!!! I’m a genius!)  Because I am out of them here and I want them!

But there was a time, even after I put boundaries around my eating and got my sugar addiction under control, when all of my waking hours were still dedicated to the times I would be eating. Planning and making fancy recipes. Batch cooking and freezing. Or just *not* eating. And yes. For some of us “not eating” is an action. 

Now, 18 years and 11 months into not eating compulsively, I can have a life between my meals. And it doesn’t have to revolve around food. So I can go back to crocheting now.