New becomes normal quickly enough.
Bad news: There are so many personal changes coming at me from my move that I have to sit in a lot of really big emotions. Good news: Who I am becoming is kind of fascinating. Bad news: Fascinating is not boring or easy.
My nervous system is on high alert. None of this is known or safe or expected.
But also I am very peaceful. I am very clearly where I am supposed to be. I love this home. My husband and my cat love this home. The future is now.
But nothing changes if nothing changes. And I am already on the other side. I have stepped into something new. Which means that things have already changed. Past tense. In a bunch of ways I had not really noticed until the move was done.
And in many ways I have not yet caught up.
I need new protections for my peace. I am making new choices about my accessibility and availability. About what I am willing to be held accountable for and to whom. New choices about the energy I will take responsibility for. I already keep my phone on Do Not Disturb after 7:45 at night to keep my peace. I can choose something like that for my inner peace as well.
I knew that this move would change me and that I couldn’t know how until it was done. And I am so grateful that I knew to have my panic attacks one little one at a time over the past six months so that I could get here and look square at my life, rather than having a crisis of change now, before I can get to enjoy this new view, literally and figuratively.
But again, this isn’t exactly the road well traveled for me. It’s scary to consistently confront the changes to the way I see myself deserving to be treated. It takes something to say that my peace is more important than my making other people peaceful.
So I remember that the fact that it’s uncomfortable just means it’s new. And that new becomes normal quickly enough.
onceafatgirl 